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Back

I think. Not that it really matters. Oh, eBay. You’ve been an endless bearer of fug lately.

So far no bids (?!) on this gem. I’ll update as to the outcome.

UPDATE: The fun doesn’t end here.

I found another one!

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Back

No bids on this one either. I know, right?

AHHHHHH! It’s not even knit!

Granted it does state on the Berro-crap website:

Our octopus with braided legs in Ultra Alpaca is a non-knit craft.

But, STILL! It infuriates me how many ways these companies try to shill their crappy, cheap fugly yarn by creating all these god-awful “patterns” that require the “knitter” to purchase copious amounts of expensive yarn. The Ultra Alpaca that this atrocity (ok, I’ll admit it would make a rather nice dog chew-toy) is made with goes for around $8.50 per 3.5 oz. hank! AND the “pattern” calls for two hanks. That’s at least $17 (before taxes and the decorative bits) for a fucking toy.

This yarn is a 50/50 alpaca/wool blend. It would make a handsome and super warm pair of gloves or mittens for your beloved. But, no! Berro-crap wants us to waste perfectly good yarn on a damn chew-toy.

Enough with the fun fur, people! JUST SAY NO. When you find that eyelash shit at Big Lots do not let the urge to pick up some size 10 1/2 needles and and whip up “something unique!” overcome you.

Please, I beg of you.

Normally I don’t post photos of themed, oversized sweaters because, well, they’re all ugly. And pretty much all the same. And there are tons of them. But this one, found on eBay, actually said:

UGLY Hand Knit Christmas Sweater L Casual Corner Lmtd

but then in the description said:

A really well made and beatiful sweater!!!

and had 9 different detail closeups. What the fug?

Even if the poor, innocent child you put this on didn’t immediately throw it back in your face, I guarantee the jingling would last about 2 minutes before you go absolutely nuts and rip it off yourself.

Oh, but that’s not all…

Let’s meet the rest of the gang! In addition to Mr. Sheep, we have:

Miss Raccoon

Mr. Cat

Mrs. Polar Bear

and, of course, Mr. Bison

Admittedly, the raccoon one is kind of cute with that little tail and all. And even then, only when you’re under the age of five. And even then, why would you want your child to wear the equivalent of knit roadkill?

Another eBay find. A crucified denim worm?

I definitely have to agree when the girls at gofugyourself call this:

a thickly knit ode to Twister

I swear that thing was intended to be a table runner. Oh, and check out that awesome lady in the background with the pink bag on her head.

Just get a fannypack. They’re way cooler and have zippers.